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Kirby for January 16, 1999
Professional Actors for Mormon Instructional Videos
Kirby: Deal With Actors Expands Pool for LDS Videos -- But Who Can Be Trusted to
Play Brigham?
BY ROBERT KIRBY SALT LAKE TRIBUNE COLUMNIST
If Hollywood decided to make a major motion picture about Mormons, who do you think they
would book to play Brigham Young? Anthony Hopkins? Harrison Ford? Eddie Murphy? This is
an important gospel dilemma now that the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) has reached an agreement
with the LDS Church. Henceforth, when making its educational and informational films, the
church can give hiring preference to SAG members willing to behave like Mormons on the set.
As you can imagine, if the church was filming a movie about Joseph Smith, and the actor they
hired to play the part was Robert Downey Jr., who subsequently got himself arrested for poking
stuff up his nose again, credibility would be a real problem.
It's a valid point. I had trouble with this very thing years ago while watching a church-produced
vdeo in Elders Quorum. It was not, as you might expect, one of those early church videos on a
poduction par with ``The Brady Bunch.''
You remember the movies I'm talking about, don't you? Gripping dramas like ``Billy and The
Svior Choose Good Friends'' and ``Love at Home Starts With a Puppy Named Cuddles.'' Not only
was the production bad, but the actors all had the emotional range of Jack Webb.
The video I'm talking about came as a complete surprise because, for once, I noticed a
professional actor in one of the roles. In the video, an Elders Quorum president tried to convince
a slacker about the necessity of getting his home teaching done.
The part of the Elders Quorum president was played by Mike Farrell, fresh from a gig as Dr. B.J.
Hunnicutt in the popular television series ``M*A*S*H.'' Although Farrell did a good job, even
quoting The Book of Mormon like a true believer, I had a hard time making the transition. I kept
expecting Bishop Sherm Potter to come in and tell him to quit tormenting Brother Frank Burns.
However, by the end of the video, I was getting into it. I distinctly remember thinking that if
anyone was going to be home teaching Sister Hot Lips Hoolihan, it was going to be me.
Anyway, you get the point. Some actors have been typecast beyond the capability of being able t
appear in church videos, even if the money was there, which it isn't. I seriously doubt the church
will ever cough up $10 million for John Travolta to play the Angel Moroni. Camera pans from
Joseph Smith holding the Golden Plates to close-up of Moroni. Moroni (big grin) to Smith:
"Ain't it cool?''
Never happen. On the other hand, stranger things have. Way back then, I wasn't expecting B.J. to
lecture me about home teaching, either. I walked around for days thinking it was only a matter of
time before Hawkeye Pierce started bugging me to attend the temple more regularly.
I hope the church doesn't do this to me again. After 40 years of being told from the pulpit that
Satan owns Hollywood and the souls of each and every movie director therein, it's hard to make
the switch from ``turkey'' to Academy Award.
But just in case someone at church headquarters needs some casting advice, I have come up with
a handy reference guide. See, despite all the advice to the contrary, I still go to the movies a lot.
Whatever you do, don't cast Marlon Brando to play Brigham Young. The whole
Godfather/prophet juxtaposition is too spooky for the average audience.
Likewise, be careful of the following:
-- Chris Rock as Nephi.
-- Madonna as Emma Smith.
-- Tim Conway as Porter Rockwell.
-- Jack Nicholson as Concerned Bishop.
-- Spice Girls as Brigham Young's wives.
-- Ellen Degeneres as Relief Society president.
Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby lives in Springville. The
self-described ``OxyMormon'' welcomes mail at P.O. Box 684, Springville,
UT 84663, or e-mail at rkirby@sltrib.com.
Page Modified January 20, 1999